Bullying—action or Reaction?
Guidance counselors, parents, and concerned teachers have traditionally consoled victims with the adage “s/he only picks on you because s/he’s insecure”. Perhaps. But is this the whole picture? Maybe bullies aren’t acting out of their insecurity, but reacting to some other factor— physical or psychological.
In a 1988 study, Jack Katz interviewed hundreds of prisoners, and analyzed hundreds of criminal acts (from property damage to extreme violence against individuals). In a majority of cases, he discovered that the perpetrator felt humiliated, and that the crime was caught up with this feeling. That is, their angry, violent actions were reactions. They were responses to the ‘inadequacies’ (and their shame over them) that the bully felt—by being ‘dis’ed’ by their victim, or by some other, unrelated event which publicly humiliated them. Perhaps it is this initial action that ‘triggers’ an insecurity, a (mis?) perception of how others ‘must see them’ that must be responded to—publicly.
Bert Baruch Wylen’s Interview with his bully, in an article entitled “What My Bully Taught Me” http://life.salon.com/topic/interview_with_my_bully/ , seems to support this theory. Think back on your own experiences—as victim, bystander, or bully. Does this fit? Make sense?
This makes complete sense…..anytime I became a victim it was because I had publicly humiliated my bully somehow someway……
Wow, this is a rich avenue – that bullying is a reaction…certainly a different take on “paying it forward”, huh? I can see that we exhibit behavior that belies our internal world. And that bullying can be an anxiety release like self-mutilation – though this is other-directed mutilation.
Unaccepted/unacceptable, devalued – these are the feelings I was working through whenever I acted out.
I’m crying… Still about Seth Walsh…